


Interview Day

by DragonBandit



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett, X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Ficlet, Gen, Mail Fraud is a sin, The Watch gets all the misfits and rejects
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-10-24 07:27:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20702189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonBandit/pseuds/DragonBandit
Summary: Commander Vimes interviews one Pietro (Call me Peter!) Maximoff for the the job of Lance-Constable of the city watch.“You worked at the post office? It says you got fired.”“Yes sir.”“What for?”“Mail fraud.”





	Interview Day

Commander Vimes looked across his desk at the young man attempting to stand to attention before him, and shifted what could, if you were being generous, be called the man’s resume back into a neat pile. Join the Watch! The Watch takes all sorts! Yes, and while most of the lads and lasses and otherses they got joining up now generally went through Carrot, the more unusual ones still had to have a visit with the Commander before being given a badge. 

Unusual sorts like, for example, the ones who had recommendation letters from both Unseen University and the post office. And who when they fidgeted went blurry at the edges; probably related to said letter from the University currently darkening Vimes’ desk. 

“Maximoff… That’s Uberwaldian originally isn’t it?”

“Yessir.” Maximoff, first name <strike>Pietro</strike> Peter, said.

“Been in the city long then have you?”

“All my life, sir. Moved here when I was six, sir. Don’t really remember the old country.”

Vimes hmphed. “And why’d you want to be a watchman, Maximoff?”

“Because my Mum wouldn’t let me join the thieves guild, sir. She says it’s not proper work, and if I wanted to be a nuisance to the general public I should at least get a badge for her to brag about at temple to the other ladies, sir.” 

Vimes stared. 

Maximoff stared back, his bright blue eyes twinkling with the guileless stare of one who was trying very hard not to betray the fact that he was doing everything he could to get thrown out on his arse. 

The stare turned into a glare on Vimes’ side of the desk. First at Maximoff, and then at the paperwork. 

“We don’t get many applicants who studied at the University,” he said. 

“Oh, I didn’t study there. I was a volunteer.” 

“Volunteered.” Dear Gods, was there a form to check for not accepting someone on the grounds of clear and demonstrable insanity? 

“That’s right, sir. One of the students asked me if I wanted to have cool magic powers. Of course I said yes. He didn’t tell me it was a demo for his thesis. That he’s never practiced before. Turns out that when you try and give someone magic powers a lot of the time what happens is that the person on the other end of the spell turns into a pile of smoking boots and a gibbering sound.” 

Vimes, carefully, inched away from Maximoff. 

“What about the post office? It says you got fired.”

“Yes sir.”

“What for?” 

“Mail fraud.” 

Vimes waited. He didn’t have to wait long. 

“That’s what happens if you tamper with a letter that isn’t addressed to you. It’s illegal—well of course you know that, you’re in charge of the Watch—but to acting Postmaster Groat it’s more like a sin. He wanted to string me up by my ears from the chandeliers. But Senior Postman Aggy pointed out that was illegal these days, and it had been an accident anyway. So he said that so long as I never set foot in the post office again, he’d let me off with just getting fired.” 

“What did you do?”

“Tried to deliver the post, sir.” Maximoff gave a nervous grin, as Vimes stared him down. “I ran too fast, and the bag caught on fire. When they put me out again, everything I was carrying was ruined.”

“You can run that fast then, can you?”

The grin abruptly lost it’s nervous air. 

Later, after a demonstration, a handing over of badge, swearing of oath, and returning of cigar case thank-you-very-much Lance-Corporal Maximoff waltzed out of Vimes’ office and became someone else's problem. 

Vimes watched the door close, sagging in relief. And then he realised with a dull horror, that that had been the easy interview. 

He still had the bloody vampire to sort out. 

**Author's Note:**

> Because of course I had to meld my current special interest with the one I've had for all time.


End file.
